What have I done wrong?
Have you been faithful to what you know? Have you followed the rules out of goodwill and not because you have to? Have you trusted with your whole heart just to find yourself in no one’s land, wondering what is going on? Wondering if every effect has a cause, what have you done wrong? Why things are not working out? Why results are not seen? Do you find yourself saying ‘I have labored in vain, I have spent my strength for nothing and in vain’?
This is no surprise to our Heavenly Father. His ear is close to the cries of His children and He is close to the brokenhearted. And brokenhearted I am. Are you, dear reader?
Just pull it all out of your chest. Tell it to Jesus. It is not just a cliché. I’m telling you, a cliché is not enough to keep you wanting to live despite it all. BUT, the person of Jesus is. Am I hearing you say, how? Joanna, how do I do that? My dear, just let it out… go wherever you can be by yourself, spit it all audibly, write it down, whisper it… get it out. But make sure to get Him in!
But I can’t say what I think to God you may think. Please read Psalm 69 or Psalm 102. And there are many other places in Scripture where hearts are poured out and the truth that God already knows of what is going on in your heart is expressed. What about the book of Job, have you read it lately? Throughout the Bible, we find character after character that were real with God because they thought Him real in their lives. Dear reader, Jesus Himself when pressed beyond measure with the heavy load of sin and our sins, asked the Father to remove the cup from Him. Was there any way to save us that would not require Jesus to be separated from the Father?
Jesus would rather take plan B [See Matthew 26: 36-46]. But there was no plan B. God Himself came to earth to be born and live among us, to suffer, to deliver others from suffering and to give His own life as a ransom for you and me. So He drank from the cup, He took our sins upon Himself, He became sin for us.
Have I asked God to take away my cup? You bet! More times than I can remember. But then, because of our compassionate Redeemer, the heavy and dark miasma of oppression gets a small crack, and the more I ask my dear Jesus to cling to me, to not let me go, to not let me drown in the slough of despond, the more the small crack opens up and rays of light from the very countenance of Jesus come to me. Oh how my Good Lord delights in saying to “those who are in darkness, ‘Show yourselves.’” (Isaiah 49:9).
And I think that’s the key. As it says in Isaiah 49:4, “Then I said, ‘I have labored in vain, I have spent my strength for nothing and in vain; Yet surely my just reward is with the Lord And my work with my God.’ ”.
So though it seems that your efforts are in vain, that there are no results, that the cause does not match the effect, that the fig tree does not blossom, and that the fields yield no food. Remember that your and my exceedingly great reward is the Lord Himself [See Genesis 15:1]. And we can find, and we will find, joy and strength in the Lord of our salvation!
Keep your eyes on Jesus, He will see you through!
We are thankful because in the midst of the hardship, the excruciating pain, the despair, Your light shines ever so brightly. Please Father, may Your sweet voice sound clear in our minds that we may hear the promptings of Your Spirit to say like Peter when he was drowning, ‘Save me Lord’. Your hand has not shortened that it can not save, Your ear is not heavy that it can not hear. We praise You because You are mighty to save and Your ear is close to us to hear our cry even when we can not utter it. Thank you Father. Please forgive us for the foolish things we might have said or thought in our darkest moments. Give us new hearts and renew our spirits to say like Jesus, ‘Not my will, but Yours be done’. We love You and ask these things in the Mighty name of Jesus.
